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The Prosecution: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She creates video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her styling career. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that Marielle has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don't believe she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and record me laughing with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us an opportunity.

I am passionate about creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to witness exclusive moments that could benefit her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I want her to see what the work we create together can achieve: an opening. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material authentic. Being recorded from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I don't compel her to participate in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before filming, and avoiding angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a friend film you. I get that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is content. She needs to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to alter one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their bond?